After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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