i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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