So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
