the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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