I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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