i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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