Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
