Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
