At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
