ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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