you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
