You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
