The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
