Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
