I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
