Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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