Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
