found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
