Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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