so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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