why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
