Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
