You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
