hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
