took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
