she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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