this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
