I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
