i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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