Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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