just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
