break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
