I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I smell stomach acid.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
smell my finger.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
