still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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