Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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