Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
