I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have post one night stand depression
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
