Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
