good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
