so explain again why im purple
no
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
