Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
