After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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