no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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