listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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