yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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