He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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