Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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