I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's the barista slut.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
