we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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