Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
