i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
